With all due respect for the state of Florida and its current influx of zombies, you are not alone. We are a nation of zombies. We don’t need drugs like the au courant bath salts that allegedly led a naked, zombie-like man to nibble on the face of a homeless man for a late night Draculean snack to prove it. In fact, in a play on words, a bad one, forgive me, I’m wondering if what this country doesn’t need isn’t a long, hot bath laced with…ah…bath salts.
If I hear one more person tell me how exhausted they are and how they feel like a zombie, like the walking dead, I think I’m going to scream like a banshee!
Wide-eyed and bushy-tailed ain’t the current mantra of most Americans who, if you haven’t noticed, lately are looking zombie-like. Today’s kids have an otherworld look in their eyes, and the pasty skin of vampires. Take a look around and you’ll see that the average Joe and Joanie have deep purple pockets etched beneath their tired eyes and lumber along like old Frankenstein Monsters from working too many jobs and sleeping too little.
According to too many studies too exhausting to name here, over 35 million Americans suffer from sleep deprivation. Yikes! Are Americans the living dead?
Is it any wonder that prescription drug use and consequential deaths are up? That we’ve turned into the most obese nation in the world? That approximately fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce? That although the crime rate is down statistically in the U.S., it ain’t for the zombies trying. Rather law enforcement has all sorts of technology at its disposal that they are quick on the draw to use like zombies enraged. Taser, anyone?
Our sleep-deprived (or is it depraved?) society is near hysteria. There appears to be a doomsday mentality amongst the many, when it used to be amongst the few. We’ve become a nation of zombies riveted to ugly news. What used to pepper the papers of the tabloids has become mainstream drama in our few remaining dailies.
Take the somnolent state of Florida where high-profile murders continue to titillate the nation in a state governed by a creature created by an unorthodox scientific experiment — modern-day Republicanism. That creature? Governor Rick Scott who, by the devil and the deep blue sea bears an uncommon resemblance to the product of that experiment, Frankenstein’s Monster.
Included in the long list of sensational dramas splashed across the Florida papers like the incoming tide thrashes against a barnacled wooden jetty is this delicious headline: Florida Doctor Spits Blood at Highway Patrolman.
OK, so it’s not just Florida. Illinois: Man Bites Women in Westchester. California: Man Bites Cousin’s Nose Off. It’s a regular feeding-frenzy out there by the sleep-deprived, mal-nourished soulless walking corpses that are too many Americans.
On Tumblr, the social networking site, the many cases of cannibalism and related dramas are listed under the I vant to suck your blood sensational heading: “Zombie Apocalypse Coming Soon.”
Guess what folks, it’s here.
Most of us are just too tired to care.