DONALD TRUMP’S VERY BAD HAIR DAY

Ever wonder what it would be like to wake up with Donald Trump lying next to you in your bed? I hadn’t until this morning, when my crazy brain tripped into a visual I would just as soon forget. I’ll give you a peek: It had to do with hair, orange hair spread across a pillow – think Orangutan in shock! OK, enuf said.

Yesterday, Donald Trump had the equivalent of a very, bad hair day.

In fact, he’s had a series of bad days recently, suffering along with bad hair from what appears to be foot in mouth disease. From his startling statements on NATO, the possible use of nuclear weapons on our allies, the Geneva Conventions, violence against women and his defense of his campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski charged on Tuesday with misdemeanor battery for grabbing a female reporter’s arm at a news conference earlier this month – oh, and did I mention his recent tweet that paired an unflattering shot of Mrs. Heidi Cruz with a photo of his own glamorous third wife, Melania (who probably never had a bad hair day in her life, for which I hate her)?

All of that followed with yesterday’s OMG statement: There would “have to be some form of punishment” for women who have abortions if the procedure were outlawed in the U.S.

Both the Right and the Left trounced on Trump pummeling him for his statement. You could almost hear Ted Cruz shouting in all his pomposity: “Off with Trump’s head, I mean hair!”

Finding himself in a rare hairy situation, Trump took little time to walk back what he’d said, issuing a statement that read: “If Congress were to pass legislation making abortion illegal and the federal courts upheld this legislation, or any state were permitted to ban abortion under state and federal law, the doctor or any other person performing this illegal act upon a woman would be held legally responsible, not the woman. The woman is a victim in this case as is the life in her womb. My position has not changed – like Ronald Reagan, I am pro-life with exceptions.”

Of course, he could have said anything, and it wouldn’t have been enough to stop the bleeding begun by his earlier in artful remarks. As we all know, politics is blood sport. All politicians are vampires in waiting, ready to suck the blood out of their rivals. Get that first taste of blood and it’s Slurpy-time for politicians, as well as for the political pundits who this election cycle are looking even worse than the politicians they cover, no hair jokes hair…bada bada bing!

Which takes me back to my crazy brain and my hairy Donald Trump vision and this from Bo Goldman, the writer of such screen classics as Scent of a Woman and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest:

“They say that the hair is everything, you know? Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls, and just wanted to go to sleep forever?”

All the vampires, all the pundits, none who seem to understand that the rise of Donald Trump has nothing at all to do with what he says. And, of course, nothing at all to do with his hair. It’s all about what Donald Trump stands for.

Take Sominex tonight and sleep, safe and restful sleep, sleep, sleep.

It’s security, stupid.

Macho, macho man tra la la!